Theorem & Corollary of Decreasing Parental Coolness by Their Children


I have a theorem that cool parents with children will never be cool to our own children.

In mathematics, a theorem is a statement that has been proven on the basis of previously established statements, such as other theorems, and previously accepted statements, such as axioms. —Wikipedia entry for Theorem (link)

Between 5 and 9 years of age, children begin to believe their parents aren’t cool, a condition which worsens through their teenage years. My data for this proof is incomplete; however, I stand by my hypotheses that the cool-free zone will extend in varying degrees throughout the rest of the children’s lives.


My corollary to this theorem is that the friends of those children may have enough distance from the checks and balances of household politics to realize exactly how cool the cool parents really are.

In mathematics a corollary typically follows a theorem. The use of the term corollary, rather than proposition or theorem, is intrinsically subjective. Proposition B is a corollary of proposition A if B can readily be deduced from A or is self-evident from its proof, but the meaning of readily or self-evident varies depending upon the author and context. —Wikipedia entry for Corollary (link)

Real World Scenario

Two of our kids, Jordan and Meagan, were watching some zombie show in the other room one night last week. They were spooked and jumpy, and I hatched a plan. I opened QuickTime on my MacBook and made a brief recording of myself blathering and grunting like a zombie (download), then remotely copied it from our hideaway in the bedroom to the iMac in the living room where they were watching TV. Launched the app, played the file on the computer behind them, and hilarity ensued.

Well, I thought it was funny. Meagan certainly did not and Jordan was indifferent. This upholds my theorem.

Furthermore, my wife Julie told Meagan’s boyfriend Preston, who happens to be a zombie fan, what I did and he thought it was hilarious. Cool even. This upholds my corollary.